Best Bars in Miami

by Terry Bender

Back from a hiatus, you don’t have to hear about beauty shit today!

I’m a big bar scene guy, and Miami is a playground when it comes to gettin my drink on!  I’m not too into the lounge and club stuff, if I wanted to pay more than $10 for a drink to hang out with a bunch of Eurotrash, I’d go to Europe.  Sure, there are some nice women in the high end hotels, and the ambiance is nice, but I’m Terry Bender, and I like to get WASTED!

That said, here is a short list of my favorite haunts in the Miami area, in no particular order.

  • Clevelander.  This place is classic.  Ocean drive, sports bar, open air, and bikini contests.  What is there not to like?
  • Wet Willies.  Slushy drinks of high octane.  Get a call-a-colada if you don’t want to look like a tourist.
  • Monty’s. Located in the Miami Beach Marina, this place fills up on Friday nights for happy hour.  Raw bar adds value when in season.
  • Ale House.  There are a bunch of Ale Houses.  The best one is probably the North Miami Beach Ale House, as it’s near Solid Gold, of course.
  • Tootsies Cabaret.  Fuck it.  It’s not a bar, but it has a HUGE bar in it.  I love the joint.
  • Deweys. This place is a local shithole, but your sure to get the best bang for your buck there.
  • Tobacco Road. The oldest bar in Miami.  It still rocks.

I will add some more bars later, and give some full reviews, but for now, I’m having a mojito.